tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53844644404192788092024-02-02T14:10:09.417-08:00Dream FollowerDreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.comBlogger106125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-71008133369184843902017-10-21T21:59:00.000-07:002017-10-21T21:59:18.135-07:00#MeToo…#ItWasMe…How Can We All Evolve Beyond Giving Trees and Taking Boys? (TW)<!--[if !mso]>
<style>
v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
.shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
</style>
<![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Bookman Old Style","serif";}
</style>
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1029"/>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1"/>
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">#ItWasMe</b> is most
upsetting to some of the more recent victims of trauma. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Maybe my own <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">#MeToo</b> wounds are leathery and worn, but I will do my best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was deeply saddened last fall at how a
movement I tried to be part of devolved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This probably is at least part of why I am conflicted about how to share
the many thoughts and feelings I had this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m hyper aware how delicate and fragile this territory is<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and I want to be careful, but I feel very
strongly that this conversation is pivotal.</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In the aftermath of the presidential election, as I tried to
be engaged and learn how to be a better ally especially for People and Women of
Color, I experienced my own painful awakening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As a cis-white straight woman I was brought up short by people around me
online attacking my attempts to be an ally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was quite frankly shocked by their response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt slapped in the face by my own
privilege.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was dismayed at how
inadequate and impotent I felt in the face of so much appropriate outrage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept wanting to say things like “How can I
help more, we’re in this together, and we’re on the same side.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt like at every turn my weak and insufficient
efforts were met with scorn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It seems to me that the men saying “#ItWasMe” are possibly
in a similar place, going through a similar painful awakening. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back then, I learned
that asking how I can help is unfair, asking to be educated was just another indication
of my privilege, and asking those around me to bear the emotional labor of my
awakening was unacceptable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I am hopeful that something radical and important is
changing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see a dialogue opening up
that has been buried deeply for decades.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I see a possibility for conversation that allows us all to grow more
self-aware and more conscientious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most
importantly, I see room for more voices to harmonize, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">unify</i></b>, magnify and
ultimately (and most importantly) shift things for a better tomorrow.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The #MeToo movement is an opportunity for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> victims of sexual assault,
harassment or rape to unify.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the #MeToo
movement began, I hesitated whether to participate or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hesitated partly because it feels invasive
and personal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also hesitated because
it seems redundant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What woman hasn’t?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it is perhaps unclear whether there
are degrees of sexual harassment, assault, rape, abuse, and also it is such a
public way to treat something that is often so painful or private.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In so many cases women and men who have been
victims are re-victimized and re-traumatized by coming forward or by the media
or by the courtroom or the forced retelling of every last detail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So many victims are met with disbelief, or
then <i>their </i>behavior is put on trial to the point that many choose to live in
secret with their pain rather than endure public scrutiny or debate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Part of what made this tidal wave so powerful
is that it was enough to share or comment those two tiny words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> #metoo. </span>Some women<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>chose to share vivid details of the horrors
they have survived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some people whose
wounds were fresh had to remove themselves from social media because they were
finding themselves triggered without warning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The #MeToo movement is strengthened by including the voices
of all victims.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the same token,
#ItWasMe needs to be allowed to have a voice in this conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not AT ALL interested in defending
narcissistic sociopaths and their feelings here, but men who are waking up to
their part in the tapestry, and how they have been complicit should have a space
and a voice and also need to be heard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Within
the #MeToo movement there is a debate raging whether to allow male victims of
assault and rape to join in, or whether women shouldn’t be allowed to have the
floor on this one, and have only our voices heard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>While I do understand the importance of gender in this
conversation, my stance is unequivocally that all victims of abuse, assault and
rape should band together. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I firmly
believe that admitting that there are some men who are victims too does not
weaken the tidal wave of solidarity…it strengthens it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, I think that as hard as it is for
women to come forward when they have been assaulted or raped it is a hundred or
a thousand times more difficult for a man to state publicly that these things
have happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gender does not define
this movement for me, though it is certainly a root issue in an overwhelming (maybe
even staggering) number of cases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can
reclaim our power best by reclaiming our shared humanity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my opinion we cannot afford to splinter
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This idea is nothing new, even Lincoln said: “United we stand,
divided we fall.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even longer ago, when
the Romans built the Coliseum, they used strategy to control the
crowd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They knew an out of control mob could
easily overpower an army, so they built thick, insurmountable walls between the
sections.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="height: 254px; margin-left: -13px; margin-top: 3px; mso-ignore: vglayout; position: absolute; width: 364px; z-index: 251660284;"></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxqMUnw9Z81QfhyPRRR48JLTnR0320iOrHsAfeq61dv2SGvmbI6wrfdf_yi4FkSEir4KcHhKCFtfJKPolKkzIjuCUfSTNNlfeJ5v1GUNV2JruVZzCZJzPK_-SZTapjkRpO5wYrt5wBTOw/s1600/Coliseum+from+above.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="308" data-original-width="441" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxqMUnw9Z81QfhyPRRR48JLTnR0320iOrHsAfeq61dv2SGvmbI6wrfdf_yi4FkSEir4KcHhKCFtfJKPolKkzIjuCUfSTNNlfeJ5v1GUNV2JruVZzCZJzPK_-SZTapjkRpO5wYrt5wBTOw/s320/Coliseum+from+above.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbCKXAmyw5tPRurZD7cspLLiROIRsuFAKG1Uxjz8Jn2PeCHoLD3Aw_wm4C-YV43nmoMLW3rlgzmofKqDIj07KoBXdncTLl01h0v3R5F5ISrcTdwz77cu5M-Vcv0tO3A1_uR-3-OHChChY/s1600/Grapefruit.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="424" data-original-width="428" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbCKXAmyw5tPRurZD7cspLLiROIRsuFAKG1Uxjz8Jn2PeCHoLD3Aw_wm4C-YV43nmoMLW3rlgzmofKqDIj07KoBXdncTLl01h0v3R5F5ISrcTdwz77cu5M-Vcv0tO3A1_uR-3-OHChChY/s320/Grapefruit.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Picture the segments of a
citrus fruit…and though each section might be unique in many ways, it is all
made of the same fruit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right now, we
need to remember we are all pulp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
pulp over there might have been squeezed between her boss and a desk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pulp over there might have been forced or
coerced by his boyfriend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Abuse can
certainly even happen from a woman to another woman or to a man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>#MeToo is powerful because it encompasses all
who have been violated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we push
another victim down or away and say this is not their time or their movement we
are becoming bullies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may be coming
out in our grief, but by doing so we are traumatizing another victim rather
than welcoming them to the cause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As the tidal wave grew, I was initially pleased to hear
about an answering response by many men using the hashtag #ItWasMe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I wasn’t alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many women responded to posts like this on
social media positively, feeling heard, feeling men finally joining the
conversation, feeling them come out from behind the silent curtain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was an immediate impulse to shower
these men with positive reinforcement, to encourage the confession and to want
more and more men to wake up to their own participation in the culture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many victims were outraged that men were
praised for coming out in a confessional post to state that they had in some
way marginalized or assaulted or violated women, and getting praise for their
courage in admitting that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So this
becomes complex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not want to defend what they confess in
these posts whatsoever, but this conversation will stall if we squelch this
part of their response to #MeToo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I'm listening...</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Here is why…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We are all woven in this messed up tapestry together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gender roles have been fed to us on all sides
from birth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grew up on many children’s
books, but one comes to mind that was a favorite: “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>The Giving Tree”</u></b> by Shel Silverstein.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This book made a deep imprint in my mind and
in my heart at a tender age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
identified more with the tree than with the boy, because I was a little girl, and
the tree in the story was a she.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And she
lovingly and willingly gave the little boy every inch of her being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shade, her leaves, her apples, her body to
build a home with and as the boy grew older even at the end of his life she was
thrilled to serve him as a seat when all that was left of her was a stump
because he had used her up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Completely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’m afraid I tried
to model myself after this Giving Tree through the course of several of my romantic
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave and gave and tried
to be everything he might have wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But the story might have been a metaphor too subtle for a young girl’s
mind, and might have been intended to show a little boy’s gratitude for his
mother, or for the gifts of life, or something else…but it would have been a
totally different experience to read if the title had been <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>“The Taking Boy”</u></b> and I might have lived my life in vastly
different ways if I had <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">seen</i> it that
way instead.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9SrPFf54-VrRkNTCOzn4sQBOfK0F5_TEbLfbqkJtL3Z-rTBriUqAHqz15YeIy0QzlZrNkFn0u2hqirXAceeN6ixUBs9hBWDgTid-zfYQcXlX_37TdCQkq8zxAk-lgXFPfpXc3OBSGLo0/s1600/TheTakingBoy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="289" data-original-width="287" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9SrPFf54-VrRkNTCOzn4sQBOfK0F5_TEbLfbqkJtL3Z-rTBriUqAHqz15YeIy0QzlZrNkFn0u2hqirXAceeN6ixUBs9hBWDgTid-zfYQcXlX_37TdCQkq8zxAk-lgXFPfpXc3OBSGLo0/s1600/TheTakingBoy.png" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I appreciate the men who are now waking up to the fact that
they have been Taking Boys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What touches my
heart about this response from men is that they are raw and fresh and
sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can’t help that they are men
in this tapestry, any more than I could help being a cis-white woman with
privilege last fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> waking up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are reflecting differently on memories
of past encounters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are asking themselves
the most uncomfortable questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did
they press their advantage?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did they
make their desire more important than another person’s boundaries?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did they force someone else to do
something?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in this discomfort, they
are not hiding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are opening themselves
to criticism, making themselves vulnerable too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Is it enough?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not by a long shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it is a start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And just as I wished my awakening had been
received last fall, I would like to usher them in gently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Firmly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would like to encourage them, rather than pile on or punish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would be easier to dive back under the
covers, but the next step must come, which is to say No More.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And to teach our young boys and grown men
about this fabric, and its flaws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
time to share the emotional burden of consent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Women have traditionally been bearing the weight of the outcome, but we
are tired because even when we say no it comes down to what we were wearing,
how much we had to drink, whether we flirted or lead him on or aroused
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which is a subtle message that
oppresses men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, you think only women
were oppressed by this tapestry?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It paints men as helpless
victims of their sexual urges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As though
there is some kind of tipping point past which he might not be able to help
himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is woven in, along with
the guilt-tripping of blue balls and a million other tactics which have worked
on young girls and women (and men) for decades.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While it claims to depict men as strong and women as the weaker sex, in
actuality this tapestry forces women to have all the self-control, and makes it
seem like men are incapable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is an
awful, unfair and ultimately <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">untrue</i>
depiction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m sure most of you know that assault and rape and
harassment are not about sex - it is so easy to be distracted by this aspect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These acts are about domination, power, and
violation of another human being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
this, right now, has got to be a tipping point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All the #ItWasMe awakenings will be needed moving forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for joining your voices to the
chorus. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you because without your
intention, and your attention, it might have slumbered on being a toxic element
of life for <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so</i></b> much longer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gentlemen,
young boys, and men…we need you to be the allies it is so clear many of you
want to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This shift cannot happen
without your help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am optimistic these
vital <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">conversations</i> may change the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">behavior</i></b>
between us humans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is true, a couple
of hashtags cannot be enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it
could be the snowball at the top of a mountain, or the threads in the tapestry
that - once pulled - change the picture forever.</span></div>
DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-46628799388651042372017-06-25T00:54:00.000-07:002017-06-25T01:08:20.163-07:00Right Alone or Wrong Together?<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe that pass or fail is a false duality. But how can that be when
sometimes in life there is such a clear right/wrong, win/lose, on time or off
time construct? Well it comes back to priorities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As a dancer and a dance teacher, being on time seems like an absolute.
And this is empirically true, you can’t both be dancing on time and off time to
the music at the same time, and ideally we would be on time. Imagine my
surprise when a profound lesson came through as I was teaching one of my
couples.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In this example, Mr. X was having the devil of a time hearing the music
and getting his feet to move on time with the music. Mrs. X could hear it just
fine and was trying to help. Her version of helping was undermining his
leadership and also was not actually helping, since all it did was cause his
pride to take a hit and he went into an inward shame spiral and if that’s not
enough pressure, this is not a private struggle, he has two witnesses (his wife
and his dance instructor) so there is no hiding the “failure” to find the beat,
step on the beat, stay on the beat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And then it hit me. She was getting a high from being right, from
winning, from being better than him at this dance skill of finding the beat and
stepping in time with it. And while my dancer-self wanted to validate her
correctness on the one hand, my following-self wanted to pull her aside and
school her. So was born a phrase I’ve often used since then but came through to
me then for the first time. I pulled her aside and asked her “Would you rather
be right alone, or wrong together?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It forced us all back on track…why were they here to learn to dance
together, if not with the purpose of uniting forces? She shifted her purpose,
her goal, and her mission was no longer to be the A student and impress her
teacher with her own ability to learn the material. Now her goal was to be
supportive, an A+ partner, and get in the same boat with her husband. She still
complained to me sometimes non-verbally because dancing off time can create a
profound dissonance for a follower with a keen ear for music, and a deep desire
to do things “right.” And you know something? He still struggled to find and
stay on the beat, but now the struggle had one name – timing, and was no longer compounded by the inability to unify with his partner. Now the partnership had
a hope of one day being able to move together as one – with or without the
timing element. And resolving that dissonance between the couple was a bigger
deal than forcing them to come into alignment with the music. In fact
when they practiced their patterns without music they were often together on
most things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So here was born a surprise for me. I never in my wildest dreams before
this lesson would have expected myself to tolerate, let alone encourage dancing
off time. I pride myself in doing things right, well, and also on being an
excellent instructor which means my results can be felt and seen by my students
being great dancers also. I had to set aside my ego and recognize that her need
to be right about timing, and my need to be an effective and successful teacher
were in this moment causing more of a problem. I suggested that instead of
paying her attention to the rhythmical underpinnings of the song she might
listen instead to the singer or melody, to help alleviate any dissonance. It
can be a real challenge to dance off time when you have a good ear. But this
suffering and that adjustment she was willing to make, while a sacrifice on
some level was the lesser of the two sacrifices at stake. Do you think they
would have continued dancing if she was constantly rubbing it in his face that
she was on time and he was wrong/off time? Not likely. The human spirit can withstand
many things, and perhaps he would have dug in his heels and become stubborn and
tried to best her rather than quit, who knows? Maybe he would have had fun with it and risen to the occasion eventually. But the signs were everywhere
that he was instead internalizing his anger and frustration, and would more
likely have thrown in the towel or suggested she take the lessons without him.
The way forward together was to let her know there was another way…a way
neither of us would have imagined possible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-alt:Arial;
mso-font-charset:77;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-format:other;
mso-font-pitch:auto;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Bookman Old Style";
mso-font-alt:Geneva;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:647 0 0 0 159 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:"Bookman Old Style";
mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:"Bookman Old Style";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style>
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, perhaps some of you reading this would say “I would much rather be
right alone than wrong together.” And that is a wonderful and powerful
awareness to have of yourself, and important to keep in mind when you are
forced to work in teams or have to plan things with family or friends. You
might have the option at many times to choose to be right alone…but there may
come a time, or a person, or a project where you will now be in a position to
consciously choose to prioritize the relationship or mission above accuracy or
the inner joy you feel at winning. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 282.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Listen, I get it. I love acing a test,
coming in first place, setting someone straight by teaching them or correcting
them. But there comes a time when you take a breath and evaluate whether what
you are about to set straight will benefit someone in the long haul before you
tell them about their misuse of an apostrophe. Is it going to enrich their life
or make them feel small? Am I sharing knowledge to build someone up or to make
myself feel more significant, smart, or superior? Am I feeling threatened by
this person? Am I puffing myself up? Is the correction going to preserve
meaning or save lives? If not, maybe it is better to bite my tongue and
preserve our friendship.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJD10F1Dy3Pp_BgzvNoytFNKxiL6vyKQoEbcZ6livXvbonYQlh4OoUWK7PDOWb23mtaRlEtiXMJB0unJp41FuJ1iWX9wdwREIx3rsDE6o1G9IDlKu15VU36X-nTAn_Vt8M-LBsuzsy2CM/s1600/untitled-1629.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1065" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJD10F1Dy3Pp_BgzvNoytFNKxiL6vyKQoEbcZ6livXvbonYQlh4OoUWK7PDOWb23mtaRlEtiXMJB0unJp41FuJ1iWX9wdwREIx3rsDE6o1G9IDlKu15VU36X-nTAn_Vt8M-LBsuzsy2CM/s320/untitled-1629.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-43261247024706561112017-06-05T16:56:00.001-07:002017-07-11T14:15:49.752-07:00some updates are on their way!I know I haven't been on here much lately, but a few things are very exciting in my world right now.<br />
<br />
Once again my blog title has a double meaning, and I am following several of my dreams right now! <br />
<br />
I am committed to writing a book, which might mean not a lot of posts for here, or maybe lots more, hard to say right now!<br />
<br />
Also I launched my new company, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/EmpoweredPartnering/">Empowered Partnering</a> and you can find my fan page on Facebook until I am ready to launch my own website.<br />
<br />
I held my first official event back on May 21st, another reason I've been busy and preoccupied, so yes. I'll post again on here with more photos and details soon!<br />
<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-28352173108616740212016-12-03T18:29:00.001-08:002016-12-03T19:58:14.027-08:00Congressman Swalwell Town Hall Notes<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">These are my notes after attending my first ever Town Hall meeting, held by Congressman Eric Swalwell:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">I appreciated Congressman Swalwell's opening statements, giving texture and depth to my perception of him both as an individual human (a lone democrat in his family, apparently his wife and her whole family [from Indiana if I'm remembering correctly] are republican. he has two brothers and other family members who are part of the police force, and he was the first or his was the first generation in his family to attend college. he served for 7 years as a prosecuting attorney which has informed some of his opinions with regard to undocumented immigrants and their inability to or reluctance to report on crimes against their own person, and also the possibility they will be deported before being allowed to testify against those who have robbed them, for example.) I personally came away from the meeting feeling he is a compassionate, reasoned, well-spoken, compassionate individual committed to many of the things that happen to align with my own beliefs and priorities, but also extremely respectful of and willing to hear out constituents with concerns that reflect a more diverse population [for Alameda County this means inclusion of DT supporters and their concerns as well, which I feel he demonstrated a willingness to hear and represent today, in spite of one very vocal and rude outlier who seemed to mainly be there to ruffle feathers] I took note of many of the topics that were raised during the Town Hall, and made particular note of anything he pledged to particularly fight or oppose. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">In no particular order: He is opposed to the gutting of Dodd-Frank, because he saw his own parents struggle to finally be able to buy a house when he was 14 and he is currently a renter himself, and he specifically mentioned not wanting interest rates on loans to sky-rocket or fluctuate unfairly. He is vehemently opposed to the proposed voucher system and the push to privatize social security, but rather would like to see social security reflect the rising cost of living. (He did not make clear how he would accomplish that, just that he feels it should be supported.) </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">He opposes wars being conducted in foreign lands under false pretense, and wants to prioritize diplomacy in our dealings with foreign affairs. He mentioned being in favor of universal background checks, while also stating that recreational shooting at the range or for hunting, or even in general gun ownership is protected but that there is no reason for civilians to own military style assault weapons. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">He is in favor of taking outside money out of politics, and now I'm jumping out of order, because the topic of the possibility of Russian involvement came up later, but he came out very strongly and said we need to set up an independent group to examine that possibility because it should concern each of us (Republican or Democrat) that it might even have been *possible* and we need to examine and introduce legislation to prevent any foreign influence on our democracy going forward. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">One gentleman asked regarding one of the ways we can work with a DT administration with respect to infrastructure specifically for southern Alameda County, and Mr. Swalwell shared his intention to prioritize the BART to Livermore. He went on to expand on this later stating he will work with his Republican counterpart in Tracy to that end. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">Next someone inquired about the confirmation of Merrick Garland and he cited there is a precedent to even allow an appointment for a period of one year. [This was also close on the heels of another question regarding bi-partisanship not only with regard to infrastructure but that he needs to represent even the 27% of Alameda County that did not vote HRC, which is a fair requirement and he seems up to the task, to me at least.] </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">He is against the privatization of student loan debt, and cited that the generation behind the IT boom Silicon Valley, bio tech in San Diego and aero-space in LA were ones that graduated college debt-free, and he seems to believe that investing from our own high schools all the way through college and making a debt-free public college education possible could yield another such boom of innovation. The next person brought up her concerns with regard to elder care, and he said it is up to between $8 and 12K per month for in home elder care or assisted living facilities (I nearly dropped my teeth - mom take good care of yourself!) and his response to that was that he felt that medicare could and should be expanded to cover those necessities. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">He is in favor of overturning Citizens United. He is in favor of bringing back the Voting Rights Act (I was not aware it had been compromised, but he shared a horrific story I have not had the chance to fact check yet citing a Texas polling place was put inside a country club, and if you were not a member you could not go in and cast your ballot -- I'm still recovering from that concept even being possible in 2016...). </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">Someone asked if there is any way to combat false news and misinformation, but if he answered my mind did not capture the solution. Someone mentioned the potential (multitude of) conflicts of interest our President Elect has, and his response included a mention of the phone call to Taiwan, and he also said he would like to introduce legislation to *require* the release of tax returns from any presidential candidate. [again, I was not aware it had been a show of good faith up until now, and am still appalled that he has not done so...] </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">Someone mentioned California seceding from the union, which he dismissed, saying we should fight to make it a more perfect union, and engage in the democratic process. Someone asked also about becoming a sanctuary state, and he made his stance known several times during his initial address as well as in his responses: any person who wants to be here, live the American dream, work hard, contribute to society, and be willing to sign up to fight for this great nation (he mentioned an immigrant who signed up for the military) is welcome in his mind, but any criminal with any skin color from here or as an immigrant should have their rights limited [which I'm not sure I understood correctly, and might disagree with him if I did understand him correctly] and be sent to jail or back to their country of origin. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">There were several self-proclaimed DT supporters, one of whom brought up that she pays $50K per year in taxes and is law-abiding, and her concern was that there was a double standard, allowing "illegal" immigrants to be here breaking the law while she is law-abiding, and we afford them as immigrants the freedoms and they are not paying taxed and this seems unfair to her. He made a worthwhile distinction, explaining that he prefers to call them undocumented because though many of them are undocumented they are not technically an "illegal immigrant" until or unless they have been deported and then they return. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">There was a brave Muslim woman who stood up and shared about her program, called Meet a Muslim, and she said she has lived here peacefully 34 years but within the last 6 months during one of these "Meet a Muslim" meetings was told by the person that he wanted to slit her throat, and she asked about safety and his response was measured, and one of the 3 times we were moved as a group (partially) to give a standing ovation was when he thanked her for having the courage and though saddened by the need for this program he thanked her for creating the program. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">Just under the wire, we got to question number 25 and she asked about climate change and he made a commitment that by 2050 we as a state should be 50% renewable energies. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">Which reminds me when he was asked earlier about jobs, he said we should be sure not to abandon those whose livelihood is linked with outdated technologies, or coal, or oil - that we should invest in educating them so they can be the ones to build the next better faster machines, the ones who can service them. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="csf1m-0-0"><span data-text="true">I'm also reminded of the gentleman who changed career paths at age 39 to become a teacher and because of a CA program that amounts to not being able to keep his SS from previous jobs held, would otherwise be required to teach 30 years (until age 69) in order to receive his full pension, rather than being able to retire at an earlier age - and the congressman said point blank that was wrong...I'm sure I'm leaving out a ton of things, and though I've added a smattering of commentary I am intentionally leaving out the bits with the contentiousness because it was relatively short-lived and distracting and not productive, and it was important to see it, and see the effect, and also see how it was handled - with grace and humility in my opinion - by the congressman. I apologize this is so long thanks for reading.</span></span>DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-28041950163133720502016-11-23T16:36:00.001-08:002016-11-24T15:19:55.536-08:00A Challenging Thought Experiment...bear with me, while I struggle through this...Some minorities have the luxury of being able to commiserate publicly, while any attempt to unify by my ilk is met with raised eyebrows, news media coverage we never asked for and all the condemnation you might expect from a lynch mob or a firing squad.<br />
<br />
Some minorities are met with bleeding hearts and open arms.<br />
<br />
Some minorities write poetry, and are encouraged to find their voices, raise their spirits, and heaven forbid anyone threaten their freedom of speech.<br />
<br />
But there are some thoughts you are not even allowed to whisper, except in vetted company. Some <b><i>jokes</i></b> will even cost you your job. Some ideas are so taboo you will be publicly vilified, mentally crucified, humiliated online, paraded and sullied and impossible to hire.<br />
<br />
So there is deep-rooted anger, envy, rage, sadness, isolation for some minorities that cannot be assuaged or addressed or comforted...or even publicly allied...until recently...and even now it is unsafe to hold certain opinions or say certain things...<br />
<br />
But now we have a very large, very public shield to hide behind. And some of the members of this shield say and think things that are worse than what I think or say. I can feel superior, since I would never mock a disabled person, while feeling a stealthy relief, and a quiet gathering hope that there are many more of us than I ever hoped or dreamed. I see more than 60 million people voted with me, and I will never know if any of them agree with my specific brand of thoughts, or the taboo things our family taught me to keep away from "mixed" company. (Pun intended.)<br />
<br />
I can pretend in public, because the closet I am in protects me in such important ways, and the necessity of my closet has been bitterly woven in with our beliefs to fortify our anger and our hatred of whichever "others" have the public privilege, and government programs, and protections.<br />
<br />
This secret can and must stay secret, unless we have established safety. There are signals and code words, secret handshakes or phrases. We are united online in new ways you cannot imagine, and now we have been validated.<br />
<br />
We cannot seek refuge, so screw immigrants and refugees. We cannot gather together in public, in protest, even peacefully, without being labeled a hate crime. So we find each other, and we let off steam through private e-mails, private messages, secret groups, in person get-togethers. We see hypocrisy all around us, and we are the unsung, unprotected, most misunderstood minority.<br />
<br />
[I weep, because a part of me instantly celebrated when the West Virginian, Pamela Ramsey Taylor, and the Mayor, Beverly Whaling, both wound up losing their jobs or resigning after a tasteless racist joke exchange on Facebook. In the aftermath, I tumbled through a series of mental gymnastics. Ms Taylor and Ms Whaling were absolutely out of line, and now I begin my horrific gymnastics. How would I feel if I had to resign after making a horrible joke about DT? Did the punishment match the crime? What sort of limitations are there on freedom of speech? I disagree with their joke and banter, and I have every right to voice my concerns...but don't they also have the right to make their opinions known? It is illegal to shout "Fire" in a crowded movie theater if there is not a fire, because it presents a public safety hazard, and would diminish the effectiveness of such an alarm in case of actual emergencies. That is pretty straightforward. I don't think anyone is protesting the limitations on freedom of speech in that case. But if we want to rise above the times of internment camps, and McCarthy-ism, how can we create a safe space for the people to express themselves without fear of losing their jobs? I want to make it Crystal Clear that I am not advocating for racism, sexism, xenophobia, anti-semitism, or anti-LGBTQ, or any other hateful speech. This thought experiment is my attempt to imagine what it might feel like to hold certain beliefs - maybe because of a religious belief for example, and be blocked from safely saying those beliefs publicly. I am still processing these thoughts and finding it very challenging. There seems to be a swath of undefined territory between the "Fire" in a theater version of speech restriction, and the freedom we take for granted. In that gray territory are statements that are considered politically incorrect, outright lies, and opinions that are highly charged. I know people that are adamantly pro-choice, and people that are adamantly pro-life, and they can have a passionate debate, discussion, or choose to avoid the topic...but there is no shame in expressing either opinion. One of the things that has happened during this opening of the floodgates is that it has come to light that there have been quite a few people who feel their opinion is unsafe to express, and this suppression has broken wide open, for better or for worse, and now we have to face it, learn from it, evolve. (Best case scenario.) I have learned more in the last 2 and a half weeks about pockets of privilege than I ever realized and it has been eye-opening, but this one...the one that I am trying to find empathy for above...has been the most challenging one to even consider. Maybe it's because I am Jewish, and I find it extremely difficult to imagine anyone associated with neo-nazi/white nationalism as a fellow brother or sister in pain, hiding in plain sight, spending the last 60 years huddling in secret. I do not want to call for empathy. But my soul requires I consider it, because we must stop calling to squash entire races of "others" based on religion or skin color or sexual orientation or anything else. And calling for Unity means considering this minority too...as painful as it might be.]<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2CbltWw7F9FBQrtXNNYxG7BFPT1vZVg8IN25AzJRN6RtyOivRRe3KH9LnI53h3OBYsoXSGPwHNqiJnCkWXAXQ-3_6eImPYEJGGntJGoDUB0WQWq2D1XanscqQgtq6fadXVxTDUAx-ya8/s1600/littlemisoblog_marbling2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2CbltWw7F9FBQrtXNNYxG7BFPT1vZVg8IN25AzJRN6RtyOivRRe3KH9LnI53h3OBYsoXSGPwHNqiJnCkWXAXQ-3_6eImPYEJGGntJGoDUB0WQWq2D1XanscqQgtq6fadXVxTDUAx-ya8/s320/littlemisoblog_marbling2.jpeg" width="251" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-56790763700371429172016-10-29T01:43:00.003-07:002016-10-29T11:23:30.466-07:00Why I'm with her<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
</div>
I think my grandmother might have wanted Bernie to be our nominee, he aligns with so many core-values I know she holds so very dear. A lot of us still do love him and what he stands for. But if we can't have Bernie as our nominee, I know that she would have been <i><b>fiercely</b></i> in Hillary's corner. And now, for the first time publicly, so am I. <br />
<br />
She is certainly flawed, no doubt about it. Maybe she comes across school-marmy to some, or triggers mom-thoughts in others. Maybe she's not relate-able enough. Maybe she is kind of boring, or a stickler. Maybe she smiles too wide, or not enough. Maybe she tries too hard, or not hard enough. A woman being scrutinized for showing too little emotion (cold-hearted b*tch) or too much (hormonal and hysterical) emotion.<br />
<br />
Sound familiar? Being measured not on our content but on our delivery is so frustrating, I wrote a whole blog about it. In case you missed it, here's a link: <a href="https://dreamfollowerjm.blogspot.com/2015/11/just-little-uptalk-with-side-of-vocal.html">Just a Little Uptalk(?) with a Side of Vocal Fryyyyy</a><br />
<br />
And all the avoidance of the topic of gender, all the while hinting and strumming the patriarchy. We haven't asked ourselves out loud in a long time, but the question of a woman's place in society, a woman's strengths and weaknesses, a woman's temperament, a woman's judgment is hovering around the outskirts of this whole campaign like some kind of toddler asking why who won't be silenced by "because that's how it's always been." <br />
<br />
Maybe she is boring. And steady. Willing to take calculated risks, such as the <span style="font-size: x-small;">(from his perspective anyway)</span> low-blow about DT looking for tax loop-holes, which so famously provoked his "such a nasty woman" comment, which has fired up - <i><b>finally</b></i> (and hopefully not too late) - a *lot* of women. I did not watch the Benghazi hearings, but I understand they went on for
many, many (11+) hours. I did sit through 2.5 out of 3 of the
Presidential Debates. <br />
<br />
Maybe she will compromise on something that makes me very unhappy sometime in the future during her term. Maybe she will continue hemorrhaging money into our military, rather than education, veterans, social services programs, or building a stop-gap so that Obamacare does not increase the premiums as much as is being predicted. I would hate that, for sure...but I don't think our newsrooms would be able to keep up with the daily back-pedaling or weekly gaffs and scandals. DT has bragged about being predatory/inappropriate with women and taking advantage of his celebrity status. Whether you believe he was egged on or not, <i>no one forced him to say the words, and no one forced him to feel this way toward beautiful women</i>...oh wait...it was their beauty, right? He had no control their beauty - it's like a magnet...<br />
<br />
My paranoid mind is thinking the predictions about increasing premiums for Obamacare were released at a suspiciously pivotal time in our election cycle - was it to create fear and influence the voters to choose DT? Of course the audio of DT's unfortunate bragging about violating women's personal boundaries also was released at a pretty strategic time to influence voters to choose HRC. So this paranoid mind of mine begins to wonder what is at stake and who stands to benefit and who is pulling the strings, whipping the media's nose this way and that? Have we all seen <b>Wag The Dog</b>, a brilliant political satire? If not I highly recommend it. But who is producing this shit-show?<br />
<br />
At the end of the day, I am a lot of things, but I am also a woman. I went to a highly-intellectual college where I tried every day not to allow my gender to be a factor...but it was a factor more days than I care to admit. It was a factor when the young men around me would debate each other and dismiss my question or contribution to the discussion, or ignore me altogether. It was a factor when my emotions made my voice shake with passion and conviction but my peers heard that shaking as weakness. It was a factor when I started to slowly swallow my own voice, and hope someone else would say my thoughts. And not just in college, because there have been times in my career as a manager that I had to get creative in order to get results. I found a male counterpart to speak to a male staff-member because at the end of the day I didn't need to be perceived as powerful, I needed to get a job done. I had to be willing to be underestimated, undermined and side-lined sometimes, and swallow my pride to get a result. I am still learning to control how my face shows my emotion, and electing to navigate waters that don't require me to fake a stone face.<br />
<br />
By the way, I cannot imagine DT ever had to swallow his pride to get results. Just saying. And maybe some of you are voting <b>for</b> him because you believe his show of strength will get results...and maybe they would get short term reactions/responses because he is basically a bully. But I also think he would burn too many bridges, and stuff it to too many foreign dignitaries and we would be left cleaning up the mess in 4 years...if it can even be repaired. No. I cannot allow for that possibility. The risks are simply too high. We need someone more moderate.<br />
<br />
I have never been married, but I have been cheated on, and maybe a part of me resents the fact that she didn't choose to leave Bill during or after the harrowing humiliation and public proceedings of the mid-'90's. Maybe I thought staying was a choice that showed some kind of weakness in her, or that she in some way sanctioned his behavior by not divorcing him, or separating from him. On the other hand, maybe staying takes more strength of character than leaving does. Maybe staying gave their marriage a new dynamic. It is not my place to judge, really. But in a way we are being asked to judge who might be best at leading this country, and aside from policy their lives are also sort of on trial. But why oh why is her marriage on trial while <i>he has had three marriages</i>, two of which began as <i><b>affairs</b></i>?? Is it still high school where if a boy is promiscuous he is some kind of stud-muffin and a girl who gives it up is a slut? <br />
<br />
I know that any political figure will have gaffs, and need a spin room.
But electing a reality superstar like DT whose sole purpose seems to be
to stay in the headlines as much as possible (for better or worse)
would be a COLOSSAL MISTAKE. He has demonstrated to us in the last year
that he does not have self-control. He does not keep his cool under
pressure, and he takes pride in being unscripted, but the things that
come out of his face unscripted are nearly <i><b>always</b></i> offensive to someone. He has not
demonstrated a willingness to admit wrong-doing or wrong-saying, has no
desire to compromise because he is only interested in winning, or
screwing his opponent. And he certainly does not have a shred of
humility. He is the classic abuser, in the sense that he tells you what to expect and also tells you you're gonna like it, and then delivers, and then if you object he starts calling you weak or sensitive or whiny and suggests you're over-reacting.<br />
<br />
I hear the Donald might get his own channel on television...and <i><b>that</b></i> would be perfect. People can choose to tune in and watch All Trump all the time, let him rant and rave and rally on the telly. Like the evangelicals, he'll probably have quite the following and they'll probably even open their wallets for him, and fund him. Let them make a program where they address him as President Trump and he can afford to build his own little pretend Oval Office and be like a little critic jabbing at all the mistakes being made by the <i>actual</i> current administration. He could get rich doing more of that for a very specific audience of neo-nazis, KKK members, and other white-supremacists. Let them have their outlet, they clearly need one. Let them voice their intolerance to each other. Let it end there, safely, in a make-believe TV-land...there could even be a children's show called Mr. Trump's Neighborhood. (I shudder to think, but let them have their slice of the universe...just leave the rest of us alone.)<br />
<br />
Hillary is imperfect, as we all are. And she is not pretending to be otherwise. She does not claim infallibility, or make so many promises of greatness or winning. She is not as exciting to watch, perhaps. But I think we've had enough excitement. She is capable, and she is steady, and I believe she will win this race, and more than that - I believe she will guide this nation through some treacherous waters, while keeping a few important priorities straight, not the least (nor the most) of which is Roe v Wade.<br />
<br />
And though I do not know HRC any more than I know DT, I see in her a breadth and depth of
experience and character. I see in her self-control. I see her ability
to keep her cool under pressure. I see in her the ability to rise
above conflict. I see in her the impulse and desire to reach across the aisle and compromise - to find common ground. She has <i><b>demonstrated</b></i> a willingness to learn and
evolve, a willingness to admit wrong-doing or wrong-saying (famously recently the
basket of deplorables comment, which she has apologized for) and the steely
determination to soldier on through the thick and thin. She has the ability and
<i>humility</i> to shoulder the awesome responsibility of being this great
nation's leader. And I'm with her - 100%.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhefpJAMKjOwtBcvBQlvLW3XBRavjEvszr4J69nO5xZBBUbO_d9SmxDE0KWISLdlNCv6oaJSmSLaTW4-jLaqKNI05gsyIwToFPxM7if4flSjM9LadF9Fx-cSYgAMSWHKqYWHOfBcRnZCvE/s1600/HillaryClinton_2016.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhefpJAMKjOwtBcvBQlvLW3XBRavjEvszr4J69nO5xZBBUbO_d9SmxDE0KWISLdlNCv6oaJSmSLaTW4-jLaqKNI05gsyIwToFPxM7if4flSjM9LadF9Fx-cSYgAMSWHKqYWHOfBcRnZCvE/s320/HillaryClinton_2016.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-16371955995464867622016-10-26T00:48:00.000-07:002016-11-10T13:23:51.006-08:00Donald Trump: The Accidental Gadfly My own political leanings aside, I have to encourage all my readers to look up Plato's <span style="color: blue;"><b><a href="http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/apology.html" target="_blank">Apology</a></b></span>. (I am linking to a browser version rather than a PDF, but you can find several available by searching, and I am not vouching for this particular translation. Full disclosure, it is long, but worth reading...) Before sitting down to write this, I had several interesting conversations which made me think back to college days when we read and discussed Plato. We had on our campus a college paper lovingly named after one of Socrates' most famous nicknames: <span style="color: blue;"><u><b>The <span style="color: blue;"><a href="https://issuu.com/sjcgadfly/docs/issue_11_2e1b38c4e5a35c" target="_blank">Gadfly</a></span></b></u></span>. For any who are unfamiliar with this name, it is both a literal flying bug that is a nuisance, and in intellectual circles represents a willingness to be disliked - a willingness to play devil's advocate - a willingness to go against the majority.<br />
<br />
Here is the relevant quote by Socrates: <i>"For if you kill me you will not easily find another like me, who, if
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="502"></a>I may use such a ludicrous figure of speech, am a sort of gadfly, given
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="503"></a>to the state by the God; and the state is like a great and noble steed
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="504"></a>who is tardy in his motions owing to his very size, and requires to be
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="505"></a>stirred into life. I am that gadfly which God has given the state and all
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="506"></a>day long and in all places am always fastening upon you, arousing and persuading
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="507"></a>and reproaching you. And as you will not easily find another like me, I
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="508"></a>would advise you to spare me. I dare say that you may feel irritated at
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="509"></a>being suddenly awakened when you are caught napping; and you may think
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="510"></a>that if you were to strike me dead, as Anytus advises, which you easily
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="511"></a>might, then you would sleep on for the remainder of your lives, unless
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="512"></a>God in his care of you gives you another gadfly."</i> <br />
<br />
I told one friend on the phone that Mr. Trump might be a gadfly to us all right now. I caught myself off-guard loosely comparing this unpredictable man to Socrates - a man characterized as having both humility and wisdom. So I started re-reading Plato's Apology, and I was immediately struck by the similarity of some of the language to that of our unlikely candidate for president. The name <b>Apology</b> is a bit misleading by modern terms. In ancient times, Apologia meant "reasoned defense," and that is appropriate since it is an account of Socrates' defense at the trial which ultimately resulted in his death sentence.<br />
<br />
I don't intend a side-by-side comparison, I certainly don't think of Trump as an intellectual, and there is no way of knowing whether any of the similarities are even intentional, or if they are merely coincidental. On the one hand it's hard to imagine there is a calculated agenda or
plan, but on the other hand it is also dangerous to underestimate the man, as our recent history has proven. One small and unimportant similarity is that they are both 70 years old. Another is that Socrates talks off the cuff, not implementing rhetoric that would have been customary. And yet another is that he claims to have many enemies because of his truth-telling. (Telling it like it is since <b>399 BC</b>!)<br />
<br />
Now, I have some friends who have talked about unfriending Trump supporters from their social networks and I implore you do not limit your news feed in this way! We must reach past the distasteful memes and articles and quotes into dialogue. The danger of removing all those who disagree with us from our social circle (either virtual or literal) is real. One danger is a false sense of security, feeling all the world agrees when it fiercely does not.<br />
<br />
We cannot afford to surround ourselves with the comfort of only like-minded individuals. This goes for Conservative and Liberal and Green and Independent parties alike. We must talk to one another if we are ever going to find solutions to problems. If nothing else we can all agree there are problems. As uncomfortable as it is, it is healthy to entertain opposing views, and search for common ground.<br />
<br />
I am finding myself ultimately challenged. How is a person who preaches tolerance most intolerant? When confronted with an intolerant person! If I cannot tolerate intolerance, then am I a hypocrite? I may struggle to tolerate certain belief systems. But if I reject those belief systems and the people who hold them I am no better than those I judge to be intolerant. So it is easy and virtuous (some might argue) to extend sympathy to refugees. And at the same time I am disgusted by the thought that I might share my country with people who believe in white supremacy, or any number of other hate groups. It is a physical revulsion I feel towards a person or group of people that might be Nazi sympathizers. And yet part of what makes our country amazing is that one group is not superior to another, so I cannot advocate for expelling white supremacists in the same breath as I advocate for allowing well-vetted refugees into our country. (At least not without calling myself a hypocrite.)<br />
<br />
And as broken and imperfect as our legal system is, I appreciate that an accused person is innocent until proven guilty. I want to live in a country that has freedom of speech, and the bile in my throat rises as I attempt to state maybe that includes hate-speech...? We certainly need to continue to have freedom of the press. I want to live in a country that won't lock up our journalists for reporting the truth, even if that truth is unflattering to our other imperfect candidate, Hillary Clinton. <br />
<br />
But planned or unplanned, we cannot deny the result. There is something
irresistible, we cannot ignore Trump or his words (whether we agree or
disagree) and so many of us are whipped into a frenzy of either
agreement or
disagreement. Either way his controversial nature and devil-may-care
delivery demands a response - so visceral. If nothing else he has
become a catalyst for erupting thoughts, and many who have been silent
before are finding themselves compelled to speak up. And <b><i>that</i></b> <i>is</i> a good thing.<br />
<br />
It is messy, America. But maybe we needed an atrocious series of unfathomable quotes to come from a popular (!?) culture icon to shake us awake, and make us bubble it all to the surface. All kinds of previously unmentionable commentary has found a reason to shout - some I find abhorrent, but all needed to find the light of day. In that way we owe a deep debt of gratitude to Donald Trump, our very own accidental gadfly. At the end of the day if these discussions and conversations have the opportunity to enrich our point of view, increase our curiosity, allow for educational cross-pollination then it could be an enormous benefit. Conversely if it merely validates and galvanizes racist sexist neo-nazi or KKK beliefs then we might be in a scary place - but even if that is the case, AT LEAST WE KNOW ABOUT IT NOW. Let the healing begin. Who knew there were so many oppressed white supremacists, sexists, and racists just hiding their voices? I happen to disagree and feel threatened by some of their particular rhetoric, but if I "cleanse" my friend-lists and social media of all Trump supporters I am sticking my head in the sand...and maybe I would be guilty of a social media version of the very thing I'd like to condemn hate groups for - intolerance. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3AR5LdMwcXjfUh4CKlgFUyIfbpuN58PJZqkPSWwqslFaP5oOzYYWxnWIp_0ThDCqVBL8SVC5fL9zPauHdQMGAY8KrkIvnE8AnvSbGU77xFq3d8eanTfQyHqtsgAMANznDsyKkd829JVk/s1600/BT_socrates_final.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3AR5LdMwcXjfUh4CKlgFUyIfbpuN58PJZqkPSWwqslFaP5oOzYYWxnWIp_0ThDCqVBL8SVC5fL9zPauHdQMGAY8KrkIvnE8AnvSbGU77xFq3d8eanTfQyHqtsgAMANznDsyKkd829JVk/s320/BT_socrates_final.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="738"></a><br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-54199373092858283462016-10-25T01:49:00.001-07:002016-10-25T01:49:18.745-07:00Which Lady Do You See?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxXODJFZA-7E4O-H2TNiInM1Lp5kUE9v44M1h623hRsmmPZ-VxpGYx-KrvnAlwK1pWlEEJWQp3VZrRkSCRklLc9szCK6UQ7eei7yshxK2iF2mchcZLMK-mDDnQ5WecZk1FONlSPaxGM6o/s1600/womans-head-illusion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxXODJFZA-7E4O-H2TNiInM1Lp5kUE9v44M1h623hRsmmPZ-VxpGYx-KrvnAlwK1pWlEEJWQp3VZrRkSCRklLc9szCK6UQ7eei7yshxK2iF2mchcZLMK-mDDnQ5WecZk1FONlSPaxGM6o/s1600/womans-head-illusion.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
There she is...but who do you see?<br />
Do you see them both, or only one? <br />
Or one at a time...?<br />
The young lass with her fur coat, and a feather in her hat, or the old lady with the head scarf and the sad eyes?<br />
Or do you, like me, go back and forth seeing them each in turn?<br />
<br />
The mind is a tricky place this way, needing definition, needing clarity, only being able to see one perspective or the other in any given moment. And the image is black and white, clear and simple, and in truth it is neither one nor the other - yet at the same time it is also both at once! <br />
<br />
Whether our minds can perceive the whole is another discussion altogether. Our mind rushes to organize things into categories or as belonging to one thing or another. The mind is restless until it can assign meaning, place blame, create order out of chaos. The mind will assign order where there isn't any (like seeing shapes in clouds), and define things so it can make sense of the world again, and be at peace. Sometimes that skill is useful, like with language, math and directions. Sometimes that skill is even beautiful, like with poetry, song, music in general, and even observing regularity and symmetry in nature. <br />
<br />
And yet there are times when the compulsion becomes limiting, and are we aware when that is the case? Can we remain vigilant so that our mind does not confine a lovely image which contains multiplicity to either one truth or the other? Are we able to expand beyond either image in itself and see how the artist must have been able to see? The artist with each pen stroke held in their hand the possibility for both images to be seen. With sure decision, carving the line of both the old lady's nose and the soft chin of her younger counterpart. The equivalent in language might be a pun. Perhaps it is also a bit like a magic trick. And if we can pull our minds back far enough, and appreciate the outcome(s!), then we also have a chance to expand our minds.<br />
<br />
We can grow into "yes and also this other thing." Rather than "this, but not that." They are both there all the time. They are both true. And also neither of them are there at all, it is clever pen markings on a sheet of paper. Yet it provokes me. I hope it provokes you too.<br />
DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-60141110593028599212016-10-21T00:47:00.000-07:002016-10-21T00:58:53.894-07:00The Floodgates Have OpenedI would like to give sincere thanks to this wretched election cycle
for bringing to light so many of the topics that have lain dormant,
roiling beneath the surface, begging to be addressed.<br />
<br />
We
have not reached any conclusions or solutions, and for those of us who
have been on any healing process (whether small or large, physical,
emotional or mental) we know that it can get worse before it gets
better. Old wounds are being ripped open again, plenty of our citizens
are aching on both sides of the proverbial aisle. I'll share some of my
thoughts here, but I'm not offering solutions either, really. I am
(mysteriously, somehow) optimistic that once we all have a chance to
feel heard, we can find some common ground - even though -<br />
<br />
Anger abounds, recriminations, accusations, and fear-mongering seem rampant.<br />
<br />
And
in the middle of all the wailing and gnashing of teeth hope flowers
innocently in me. In my core, at the center of my being, I am grateful
that we are facing these difficult conversations, and facing our shame,
facing our hatred.<br />
<br />
We each host all the feelings of
betrayal, of black lives and of blue lives, the disdain for immigrants,
and the gratitude for the courage our ancestors showed immigrating
themselves, the disgust and shame and guilt and rage for ever having
such a thing as rape, such a thing as abortion, or such a thing as
machine guns in the hands of mentally unstable people, in the hands of
children, in the hands of terrorists. And the disgust and shame and
guilt and rage for having allowed men of certain privilege off with a
slap on the wrist, or forcing women with unwanted pregnancy to travel
hundreds of miles or carry the child to term or pay $25,000, or not
having responded with legislation in the wake of Sandy Hook, or Fort
Hood, or Colombine, or Newtown, or San Bernardino, or Isla Vista, or why
is this list so long and seemingly never-ending when we have the
ability as a people to limit access to the tools for mowing down dozens
of people in a matter of minutes --- not just the ability, the <i>responsibility</i>. <br />
<br />
I
lost the thread for a minute there...a sea of unshed tears, of
hopelessness and frustration with a deadlock-stalemate-checkmate which
would be alright if so many lives were not lost in this fight over
power, over money, over legislation. I do support our right to bear
arms. If those arms aren't semi-automatic killing machines. No one is
coming to confiscate the hunting rifles, at least I'm not...I think
we've suffered enough tragic losses to introduce better regulation,
longer waiting periods, and maybe having certain priors should
disqualify a person from buying certain kinds of fire power...And more
regulations equals more jobs...<br />
<br />
And wherever we
turn our gaze, the floodgates of opinions and facts and emotion have
opened, and people are sharing their pain, their hearts, their minds.<br />
<br />
Black
Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, and I see the shining hope bursting
out of the deepest darkest abyss, a female black police officer shouting
her outrage in a video on social media and being seen and validated and
heard and supported. This world of false dichotomies, the suckers
choice of pretend fences, as if there is a simple right or wrong, or a
clear path or solution.<br />
<br />
And refugees are merely an idea
to most of us. I have made many friends through the dance community,
and even dated a handful of men from Mexico or Guatemala. Maybe you can
imagine being separated from your family, but this is different.
Living in fear of being deported. Living here and knowing if you went
home to visit you would not be able to come back across without risking
your life. Sending money home. And then finding out your brother was
killed in a car accident, and you haven't been home in 7 years, and you
can't go home to bury him. It's still only an idea to me, but it is an
idea that breaks my heart. And you hope you can be hired to do work
that will pay you, without cheating you because who can you turn to if
the boss doesn't pay you what they promised? And what kind of a boss
will hire an illegal immigrant, other than one who knows they can pay
them less than any other kind of worker? What a land of opportunity!
How can I want to close our borders when most of our American population
is descended from immigrants ourselves? Hypocrites. And yet, my heart
hardens and my blood runs cold at the thought of living daily as they
do in Israel, and Syria, and Pakistan -- hugging their loved ones not
knowing if it will be their bus that a suicide bomber boards that day. I
am uncomfortable with that level of paranoia, and so far have been
blessedly shielded from that constant true terror. But somehow my body
understands the threat as real, and I cannot help but wonder and worry.
<br />
<br />
And the amazing courage of a member of the LDS
faith sharing on facebook about her late-term (but necessary) abortion.
Sometimes the worst choice is upon you, and at that moment you need the
love and support of your doctor, your family, and your community.
Federal and state governments do not get to weigh in, do not enter the
equation. She humbled me with telling her truth, in spite (or maybe
because of) the ideals she is raised with. Thank you for stepping into
the light with this gut-wrenching and tragic personal loss. Along with
at least a half a dozen more who felt compelled to share their painful
stories in response to the presidential debate. Women who might
otherwise have hidden in the shadows, giving comfort to countless other
women who did not know they were not alone, and that they are not
murderers when faced with their own death or the unsustainable lives of
their unborn angels. Silence is tempting, and comfortable, but these
brave souls stepped into the light to comfort others, educate others,
and change the narrative.<br />
<br />
And more women finding
the courage to come forward and share #whywomendontreport, and the
eye-opening stories that might give people pause rather than further
shaming the great fictitious gender divide. The writers blogging about
all the things women face on a daily basis and are expected to accept.
Actually, no, there is no expectation...expectation assumes that it was
on a list or on anyone's radar...but so much is so deeply buried in the
subtext and underpinnings of "how things are" or "how the world works"
that not only is it not an expectation, it's barely even been
identified. So well hidden, many (men and women alike) might even from
within its very framework question its existence. Non-binary gender
identity may be what saves our human race. Transgendered men and women
may soon be called upon to bear witness and be our mediators in this
battle that has been boiling beneath the surface for hundreds of
years...because only someone who has lived life in both hormonal states
can tell us what the common ground can be.<br />
<br />
The honest
authentic human stories people are finding the courage to share are
ugly, repulsive, heart-wrenching, volatile, triggering...and what can be
born out of this wreckage might just be empathy. Bring out the worst,
let it boil over, let the world feel seen and heard...<br />
<br />
Perhaps
the brave souls will continue to come forward as they have been doing
lately more and more, sharing their personal struggles and overlapping
loyalties. We need, now more than ever, to come together in hurt, and
in healing...and take action to weave our narratives into a new
configuration.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmqwQmjRiyFABdHJOkM5BUsJ5EwsmgBUFMkl2jo-BDPFZ36r25XWBaKdCFqTjR4xQzwyKLA2hL7S6M5PAoHaojjZlkE4qhMOOwwH4_V-hjknxgv2FMr12DFAC3P3Eqr7yxS7I3Ea3PqVc/s1600/nautilus+golden+ratio.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmqwQmjRiyFABdHJOkM5BUsJ5EwsmgBUFMkl2jo-BDPFZ36r25XWBaKdCFqTjR4xQzwyKLA2hL7S6M5PAoHaojjZlkE4qhMOOwwH4_V-hjknxgv2FMr12DFAC3P3Eqr7yxS7I3Ea3PqVc/s200/nautilus+golden+ratio.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-49727381679843479562015-11-29T00:19:00.001-08:002015-11-29T00:19:09.662-08:00Kinds of CurrencyThere are many kinds of currency, and it reflected in our language in obvious ways sometimes, but not always.<br />
<br />
First, the most obvious which is of course actual money. We spend it, invest it, save it, waste it, gamble it (win, lose), loan it, borrow it, earn it, crave it, and sometimes some people even steal it.<br />
<br />
Next most obvious is time. "Let's <b><i>spend</i></b> time together." "That is such a <b><i>waste</i></b> of time."<br />
<br />
And then: "<b><i>Pay</i></b> attention!" "Attention <b><i>deficit</i></b> disorder"<br />
<br />
So how much do we monitor our attention budget? Do we need to have one? And if so, how do we prioritize? <br />
<br />
We can be out of time, out of energy, out of money...do we also run out of attention? Are there things that sap our resources while we are unconscious? Would we spend those resources differently if we were 'paying attention' to them?<br />
<br />
A little over a year ago, I shifted my time/attention budget dramatically in the area of social media. It was an important and healthy shift for me, reclaiming both my time and energy/attention. It means that I no longer post on walls for birthday greetings. (I used to log in each day partially to stay abreast of such goings on.) Now, if I send a greeting it is a private message, but in many cases I feel pretty sure people don't miss me. In some cases I'll appreciate the reminder to call or text someone, but if someone misses me they can reach me and the wall post is such a tiny gesture, and some folks have even taken to shortening it to say hbd, so as the latest slang says: (which is probably obsolete by now) whatevs.<br />
And then I took an extended break from social media of all kinds. That was also good for me. <br />
<br />
When I first started blogging, I had similar obsessive checking habits, and adrenaline responses when numbers changed on the statistics, or seeing which country was looking...okay, okay, I still get a big endorphin hit from all those things, just like when there are likes, shares, comments, etc...But knowing it's a drug has empowered me to keep it in perspective in some important ways.<br />
<br />
Do I still spend time on social media? Yup. Is it an addiction? Definitely. Do the pros outweigh the cons? For now, for me, yes. I have my spending habits under control.<br />
<br />
But on this topic, on a related note, are some of us addicted to attention? Do we behave or misbehave in an attempt to get attention? As a recovering people-pleaser, I can attest that praise is indeed another form of currency. Some folks are on the other side of the same coin, craving attention in their case yields misconduct, which yields the 'reward' of punishment, yelling, time-out, or some other version of attention. So is there a solution? If you are a parent reading this, I'm afraid I don't have much useful advice. Maybe notice trends, and then when your child expects a certain response go the other way? I'm not sure. Kids are so tuned in. But also we 'pay' people compliments (a form of praise) which is further evidence of it being a kind of currency.<br />
<br />
Now our language takes a funny turn when calling someone morally <b><i>bankrupt</i></b>. We all sort of know what that means, and maybe we picture Harold from the Music Man selling snake oil to the good (gullible, desperate) people. Or someone can be spiritually bankrupt as well. Does that imply that morality or spirituality can be spent, saved, invested? The way we invest time or energy into something? Are those two things (morality/spirituality) even quantifiable? <br />
<br />
When we've had an emotional day, we say we're spent, which I think refers primarily to energy levels, but does it go deeper?<br />
<br />
And if these things <i>are</i> all a form of currency, how do we balance our checkbooks? Is it most important to keep our attention greed in line, not have a deficit in our morality, or be owing on some mortgage in our neglected spiritual house? How do we measure our overall dependence on these things, and how can we become accountable for our own balance?<br />
<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-13132872170641000992015-11-20T13:39:00.000-08:002015-11-20T13:40:36.315-08:00Fending for OurselvesIn all my meditative digging over the past year, I have been considering offense, defense and boundaries in general. Boundaries are sometimes even fences, aren't they? And people defend, or offend...and fence-sitters are condemned for wanting the best of both worlds. Also there's that saying about good fences making good neighbors...<br />
<br />
I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the movie "<b>10 things I hate about you</b>" which happens near the beginning. "I've heard of people being <i>over</i>whelmed, and people being <i>under</i>whelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" (Her friend responds "I think you can in Europe.") So here I re-formulate it: I know people can play defense, and offense, but do we ever just fense?<br />
<br />
This lead to me looking up the etymology of both <a href="http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=offense" target="_blank">offense </a>and <a href="http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=defense" target="_blank">defense</a> in hopes of learning the Latin root or something fancy, linguistic, and nerdy and fun...but I have to do some deeper digging to satisfy those urges, but since my reboot on this blog I am making an effort not to let red pens and research stop me from airing my thoughts. (PS, I think offence is a legit alternate spelling...just sayin'.)<br />
<br />
So I plunge onward sharing my unedited thoughts:<br />
<br />
In order for me to get offended about something someone says or does, there has to be a receptor in me for that. This was one of the teachings I received from <a href="http://michaelbarnett.net/" target="_blank">Michael Barnett</a> during my meditation immersion. When I was in a state of being offended, it was easy to blame the other person, the circumstances, the "other," so it came to me almost like ice cold water in the face while still trying to wake up to be told that I had something to do with my own offended-ness. It was not a welcome message at all. But upon reflection it is true that there are times when offensive things are said or done and they do not touch me, rattle me, enrage me, engage me.<br />
<br />
So two questions arise in me; is it possible to choose which things trigger or do not trigger these defenses in me, and if so how will I accomplish this? I know that a series of such 'offenses' triggered a large response in me recently, inspiring me to write the piece about <a href="http://dreamfollowerjm.blogspot.com/2015/11/just-little-uptalk-with-side-of-vocal.html" target="_blank">uptalk & vocal fry</a>. Which rattled something loose in me, and felt good to express. Which raises a third question, having to do with whether offenses are undesirable in the first place, as <strike>one, <i>ahem</i>, meaning me </strike> I might have originally thought. Or perhaps offenses yield a lot of worthwhile engagement, which then makes me re-calibrate my position on offenses. Maybe offenses are desirable after all?<br />
<br />
But I feel like I'm jumping around. Let me go back to the first question. Can I choose the triggers to which I respond? I think there are two realities. First I want to acknowledge that responses that have become automatic will not disappear from wishing them to, or overnight. So in that sense I think no, I cannot choose when it is still automatic. What I can do is observe, reflect, and begin to recognize that those automatic responses happen in me. And then my awareness can grow, perhaps large enough to recognize them from further away, or closer up. And someday my former unconscious reflexes can become conscious ones, and ultimately perhaps even in the hot-trigger moment I can become a chooser rather than a reactor. So in that sense, yes, I can eventually choose to become conscious, grow my awareness, and begin to celebrate the possibility. What this leads to is not the kind of detachment that dis-engages me, but an inner wisdom about engagement in general. And it allows me to engage in a way that my core self has no need to refract segments of shame, guilt, or regret over. I don't aspire to be un-triggerable. I do aspire to engage in meaningful ways, and in ways that foster healthy open communication, a free exchange of ideas, and the opportunity to learn even more.<br />
<br />
There is an interesting worrisome phenomenon in the online world. With the advent of google and twitter, facebook and instagram, like-minded people are finding each other. Is that a bad thing? On the one hand, no, not at all! We gravitate toward things that resonate in us in a positive way. Who would seek out opposing viewpoints? They offend! But there is an 'on the other hand,' to be wary of. <strike>(I know, I know. Ending this sentence in a preposition is making my inner red pen jitter, but I am forging ahead inspite of the red pen these days!)</strike> On the other hand, if we are not confronted with alternate points of view that challenge our thinking, help us learn or grow, then we risk stagnation. We also risk a false sense of feeling that 'everyone agrees with me.' When I studied the Colosseum in school, it was explained that the structure was built to prevent any kind of riot or uprising, by segmenting the sections of the stadium. In isolating by beliefs, we might be giving up more than we are gaining. I may have read about the search engine version of this in a Gladwell book, or something similar, where based on your search history the machine will begin to show articles higher in the search that will agree with your political leanings, which might sound convenient, but also contributes to the narrow-minded convictions of whatever beliefs I might already hold. It's slick and dangerous. I hope we all have friends in our online and real life social circles with whom we can respectfully disagree, a gadfly or two, a devil's advocate, and the tolerance to hear another perspective than our own. A willingness to be offended, and learn through that encounter one of at least two things...at the very least! If nothing else, we can learn the courage of our own convictions, because nothing proves our belief better than being tested, prodded, and asked to justify that belief. And the opportunity to grow and learn and expand our awareness is exponential when confronted with diverse and varied opinions.<br />
<br />
Fight the urge to flock together! Fight the urge to follow along with the visible trends! Buck the system. Friend an enemy on social media, and then actually try to understand their point of view. Engage and enrage, watch and observe. I am not suggesting that we go around trolling our enemies, blasting and shouting opposing views. I am suggesting an online expansion, and inner expansion, and a true courage...the courage to let our convictions be tested, tried, and demolished when necessary, fortified when appropriate.<br />
<br />
And so I guess I landed on yes...offenses are desirable. Funny, not the conclusion I would have expected myself to come to - but there you have it. Leave room to surprise yourself in this funny life!<br />
<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-88207256508080376492015-11-19T23:56:00.000-08:002015-11-19T23:56:09.981-08:00Sometimes I'm An Inside-Out Porcupine...I'm learning to zoom out, which is critical in terms of self-awareness and growth. While I'm in the middle of an emotional wave, it's a little harder to be clear, so I cherish the reflections that happened in my mind between those waves. <br />
<br />
Today I saw a movie which on the screen was your typical sci-fi post-apocalyptic action movie, in case you haven't seen it I guess I should warn you that it's called <b>Snowpiercer </b>and there might be spoilers at some point. Maybe. Although if you know the premise of the film that might be enough for my purposes, which is that all of surviving humanity is on this train which has all these features and gadgets that allow it to go on running, and in the movie it's been running like this for 17 years.<br />
<br />
For my personal taste it had a bit too much gratuitous violence, but here's what happened while I was watching. I decided to take it as a metaphor, and each person in the train is an aspect of myself. Like any good movie, it had tension, in this case (for example) between the oppressed at the rear of the train, and the affluent rich guy-in-charge at the front. And it got me thinking about my own internal systems which I take for granted. How do I decide what is most important to me, who is running the ship/train/body? Who has who hostage? Whose side am I on? Because every conflicting priority can't simultaneously rule, perhaps internally we murder or cage or enslave our inner compartments. <br />
<br />
Maybe it doesn't have to be all or nothing, vanquish or be vanquished. But on the inside, there are oppressed sad pieces of me, plotting their revolt, plotting a hostile takeover. And for each of them, it is do or die, or wither on the vine. Or maybe the reality is that none of that is true, and the best answer is to go off the rails. Change completely. Walk away. <br />
<br />
Anyway, there are a million perspectives and opinions even now as I write this - on life, liberty, what happiness looks like, how things could be or should be. And sometimes, instead of pointing outwards, like they do on a porcupine, those barbs point inward, poking, prodding, judging, invading, and right now, I am learning how to hug and accept this awkward creature, an inside-out porcupine. How can I let it know those barbs are sometimes too sharp without that becoming a new barb? How can I let warmth ooze through and soothe the stinging wounds?<br />
<br />
Because maybe it's okay to be attached to the train, the system, and buy in, and it isn't selling out. Maybe being on board is the best we can hope for today, and the revolution is not until tomorrow. Or maybe we're on somebody else's train and we need to get on our own. Or maybe we have a stowaway! <br />
<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-46033117809355864782015-11-17T23:50:00.000-08:002015-11-17T23:50:02.200-08:00The Gentle Giant WithinTonight, squeezed in among the harried to and fro, a fellow dancer reached out for some advice, and it was truly my honor to extend to her the wisdom and kindness and gentle spirit I have been evolving into these last years, and especially this past year.<br />
<br />
She asked in the quietest of tones if I had any advice for why she is letting this tiny thing (that shouldn't) bother her, why it gets to her, why it should upset her, why does she let it upset her?<br />
<br />
She ran off to dance, giving me time to compose my thoughts, and when she came back I told her to first acknowledge herself for recognizing that she is allowing it to be a trigger. And that she will eventually be able to breathe even more breath/space between the trigger and the response, and that she has taken the first step in even seeing that there is a trigger. I told her to be gentle with herself, and that today the response might still bubble up first, but someday she will be able to zoom out even further and gain perspective on why it is a trigger. Also that the response is valid, even if some part of her mind deems it out of proportion, but to embrace the whole experience. <br />
<br />
I wish I could convey more clearly the depth of what we shared, the warmth, the kindness, the compassion that passed between us. So much understanding, so much sisterhood, so much vulnerability and empathy. It was humbling that she came to me to ask my advice in the first place, and that I could offer some comfort, some guidance, some encouragement, and link with her energetically was truly a gift tonight.<br />
<br />
I feel so blessed in having become so much more stable myself, so much more grounded, so clear in myself...the teachings are still working in me, through me, and I celebrate and embrace each day's offerings.<br />
<br />
Show me my path, I will not shy away. I will walk this path in tandem with all who wish to join me...or perhaps our paths will weave a colorful tapestry as we intertwine for a time and then go on to engage or unwind or rewind or unravel or entangle somewhere new and unexpected...!!!<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-41810571484756944872015-11-15T12:10:00.001-08:002015-11-15T12:10:31.958-08:00a life-changing tacoSomewhere along the line, I swallowed some lies. Lies like 'I'm in the way,' or 'I'm too loud,' or 'I don't matter,' or 'I shouldn't ask for anything, I don't deserve to be.' Well originally I was going to write happy...I don't deserve to be happy. But then when I got to the word be, that might have been the lie I swallowed. 'I don't deserve to be.'<br />
<br />
Children soak up the world in gulps and gobbles, un-discerning, unyielding, impatient to grow and become adult, eager to be treated as an equal and a whole human being. As a child we might mis-read or misinterpret the heart of a message, or maybe we get the underlying meaning more clearly than intended...who knows. The thing is that when I was young I believed the world reflecting me back to myself through how others treated me was an accurate mirror. Now that I've grown older I can see that there are many fun-house mirrors mixed in with good reflectors. The fun-house mirrors at a carnival are only fun because you know them to be distorting. But if we took them as a real and accurate reflection, they'd be truly terrifying. In life it becomes important to treat distorting mirrors differently, giving them less credence, and maybe even a little compassion, since we do not know their story of how they became their warped selves. Maybe I'll write a short story about human fun-house mirrors wandering around unable to figure out which ones are warped the least...what a wonderful children's book that would make...!<br />
<br />
In any case, the life changing taco was an experience at dinner last night, and I must try to convey into words the magic of the moment before it slips away into the minutia of today's magical learning opportunities!<br />
<br />
After a day of darting around town hunting for items at stores, comparison shopping, weighing options, and getting things done, we navigated through the sea of food options and I finally found myself in line looking at a menu of food options. For more context on my level of vulnerability after all the option-weighing, you can read about it in one of Malcolm Gladwell's <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Malcolm-Gladwell/e/B000APOE98?tag=duckduckgo-ffsb-20" target="_blank">books</a> or find Sheena Iyengar's <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/sheena_iyengar_on_the_art_of_choosing" target="_blank">TEDtalk.</a> Basically, not only was I hungry, but I was mentally exhausted from all the weighing and choosing. And I was just relieved to be done making decisions. (Or so I thought...)<br />
<br />
I had no trouble deciding on the burrito, but as hungry as I was I wanted a taco as well, either a pork in adobo or a mushroom and onion taco. The thing is, I am avoiding four-legged foods at the moment, so as delicious as the pork in adobo is at this place, I was ordering a chicken burrito. And I was thinking a pork taco might be a nice compromise (being small), but then the mushrooms sounded really good, and since I was having them hold the yummy mozzarella from my burrito I thought maybe I could substitute mushrooms (or <i>something </i>at least) since I was not having the cheese. On the register I saw that my total had jumped up by $3 once I said to add mushrooms to the burrito, and in that moment I let go of ordering a side taco in addition because I wasn't interested in paying more, but she hadn't said 'by the way there is an additional charge of $3 for adding mushrooms to your burrito,' she had just assumed I wanted them at any price. Also there was someone in line behind me, and they were typing in to go orders from the phone in between taking my order and the person who had gone before me...and I felt myself shrink. I didn't want to slow things down. I didn't want to be a nuisance. I didn't want to make a fuss. I didn't want to gum up the works or ask more questions. The cost of adding those mushrooms was more than a side taco would have cost, but I couldn't bring myself in that moment to change my order, change my mind, say 'hey, that's not okay with me, you didn't give me a warning or an option!'<br />
<br />
Flustered, hangry, irritated with myself for not standing up for what I wanted, I huffed my way to a table to wait. Swirling accusations in my mind, what's the fucking big deal, it's only three dollars, why do you care if the mushrooms are in a taco shell or on your burrito, why are you even so upset over something so insignificant, and on and on the litany in my mind, mocking, deriding, unforgiving, relentless. And then tears welled. For god's sake, am I really crying about a taco? Or three dollars? Get a grip! The inner judge and jury were having a field day.<br />
<br />
And I let the storm roll over me, through me. <br />
<br />
And after a little while, glassy-eyed, but clear, I rose out of my inner meltdown, walked myself back up to the counter, and bravely asked 'Is it too late to switch my order? Can I get the mushroom taco instead of the mushrooms in my burrito?' And whoever I spoke with needed to know my order number, which I knew, and she made it happen, and I walked myself back to the table feeling worthy. Feeling brave. Feeling I had gone to bat for myself. Feeling my request was totally reasonable, and knowing that my asking was all that was necessary.<br />
<br />
Giving people credit for wanting to please me too is something I'm still working on. I have a long habit of people-pleasing, but it's sort of like learning to take a compliment rather than brush it aside. Or like allowing someone else the joy that giving generously can bring, by receiving too now and then. <br />
<br />
It may have been the most delicious mushroom taco I have ever eaten. I earned that taco, in more ways than one. <br />
<br />
I am so grateful to myself for weathering the storm of inner insults, and rising above, beyond, and taking care of my desires in the moment, allowing me to celebrate, and rejoice. I have a track record of not asking for what I want, and later being sad and that old pattern is (slowly but surely) dissolving!! That old pattern of swallowing my true desires in favor of not rocking the boat, not being a pain, not being the squeaky wheel. The thing is, all my life I guess I've secretly been jealous of squeaky wheels. And the external and internal rewards of not being squeaky aren't that great, to be honest. <br />
<br />
Maybe I've been robbing other people of the opportunity to please <i>me</i>, all these years, by keeping my needs and wants to a whisper. Or on mute. How can anyone even try to please me if I don't share my thoughts, my dreams, my heart? <br />
<br />
Next time, perhaps I won't even have to go back to change my order. But that too will come. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-62890760212354503032015-11-08T23:10:00.001-08:002015-11-08T23:15:09.157-08:00Emotional Non-JudgmentI am a fan of positivity, and finding the silver lining, and the teachable moment.<br />
<br />
I am a fan of affirmations.<br />
<br />
Am I alone, however, in finding the constant pressure to be positive, harness the law of attraction, and in general try to manipulate my emotional state oppressive? <br />
<br />
Since when is being positive a cure-all? Last I checked, when something shitty happens the response I have in that moment doesn't define me as a person (positive or negative)<br />
<br />
I find a creeping counter-culture within my closest circle of true friends. In hiding, we still preface negative statements of honest emotional state with "I'm going to hell for saying this..." or "I know I should not feel this way..." or "It sucks that I feel this way..."<br />
<br />
And I want to share this counter-culture...and demolish the inner and outer judgment walls being paraded around as superior.<br />
<br />
It is not a superior state of mind or heart to inflict or enforce a positive spin on every shitty thing.<br />
<br />
Nor is it superior or inferior to wallow in a negativity spiral.<br />
<br />
Neither is better or worse.<br />
<br />
A lot of meditation and a lot of heightened self-awareness have brought me to a realization worth sharing.<br />
<br />
Some positive thinking exercises are worthwhile, don't get me wrong. But it is equally delicious to indulge in a fantasy of negativity, to follow the train of thought to all the worst possible conclusions. Why else is the world so in love with the entertainment in books, film, tv, binge watching or imagining a fantastic series of explosive and terrible life choices unfold?<br />
<br />
My teacher and guide on a spiritual path, <a href="http://michaelbarnett.net/" target="_blank">Michael Barnett</a>, has helped me recognise the possibility in the universe of transcending the judgment, and the duality of right and wrong, better and worse, and so on. Many gifts came through to me during meditations and time spent both in Germany and in seminars here in Santa Fe sharing space and resonating with his incredible cosmic connective energy. (Perhaps I will write more about those as it feels right, for now a lot of it is still so raw and personal, and writing about it doesn't feel right for me just yet.)<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><br />
I am a fan of <a href="http://lifewithoutacentre.com/" target="_blank">Jeff Foster</a>, who is also a speaker, spiritual teacher, someone I have not met, yet has taught me through his facebook posts, and youtube videos. I found him through friends also connected with Michael, and Jeff invites us to embrace the full spectrum of emotion in our lives.<br />
<br />
If we manage to keep some perspective in the midst of the emotional roller-coaster, positive or negative, then we can begin to evolve.<br />
<br />
So yes, we can begin by being aware of the tendencies, habits, knee-jerk responses. We can observe whether we trend toward doomsday scenarios, and whether those serve us well. We can learn to dance in and out of moods, rather than be enslaved by them unconsciously.<br />
<br />
And I will make a renewed effort to cease my judgment of my own emotions...and those close to me.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This whole topic might also be part of why I loved the movie Inside Out so much, because all of our emotions serve functions worth validating, and if we can embrace each other through the process, and accept the full complex cornucopia of our human existence, maybe we can grow beyond our known limits.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Are you with me? Do you have a similar ambivalence toward all the Think Positive preaching surrounding us?<br />
<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-11457647510415437722015-11-06T13:56:00.001-08:002016-10-09T11:44:44.118-07:00Just a little Uptalk (?), with a side of Vocal Fryyyyy<!--[if !mso]>
<style>
v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
.shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
</style>
<![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In the midst of a
social media crackdown on the most vapid sounding language trends, the last
thing I ever thought I would do is defend their worth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nor do I wish to fall into the trap of
defending women for what are admittedly irritating habits in speech.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But here I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it isn’t only because men aren’t
receiving the same language shaming these last few weeks, though that is in
fact a big bone of contention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
also because these language trends enrich our social vocabulary in important
ways!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Read on for the top 3 reasons I
will continue to use mitigating language, uptalk and vocal fry when I speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Though perhaps not all in one sentence.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For three weeks, I have
been reading articles about women, and directed only at women, about how our
speech habits are holding us back in the professional world, and in some cases
these articles were even written <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">by</b>
successful women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First I came across
<a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/former-google-exec-says-this-word-can-damage-your-credibility-2015-6" target="_blank">this article</a> advising against using the word “just” too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Initially I supported the idea, because women
in the business world probably do self-efface and apologize too much for
everything, including their own success in an effort to come across as less
threatening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="http://www.babble.com/work-and-money/the-one-word-women-should-stop-saying-about-themselves/" target="_blank">Here </a>is another blog article supporting the idea that we as a gender overuse the word just. And who better to give
advice to women about how to be successful than a successful business woman, in fact a former google executive!?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then I decided that removing the word ‘just’
altogether would probably be disastrous for society.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And <b>then</b> I got angry that no one counts words
that men might overuse, and writes shaming articles to call men out on how they
are standing in the way of their own success because of their gender-specific
linguistic choices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I will (deep breaths) come
back to the gender discussion, because there are many nuances to the topic.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The first topic at hand
is the word ‘just,’ which is a form of mitigating language.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mitigating language is designed to soften a
blow, or make delivering bad news a little less harsh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also it is associated with a polite way to
address a superior in many cases. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Notice that I am staying gender neutral. Mitigating
language can be extremely helpful in relating touchy, volatile or potentially
offensive information.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are some
popular catch phrases that I would consider mitigating language and some of
their functions.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Just
in case, just so you know, just checking</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level2 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Implies
deference, and also respect for the other person’s ability/capacity/intelligence</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Like,
you know (alone or in combination)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level2 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Serves
primarily as a buffer before saying something that might be hard to hear.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level2 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Gives
the listener time to process or prepare for the shoe to drop.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On
the off chance</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 1.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level2 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Signals
to the listener that the speaker already thought it unlikely, which can be
self-preserving or help the listener save face depending on context.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 1.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level2 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Does it sometimes sound
apologetic?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Probably.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it always appropriate?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mitigating language is, however, a form of social lubricant, without which
we might too often find ourselves in confrontational situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is useful for any person who has a boss. So if we tell women to remove this word, thus is born a fun catch-22 – sound confident by
eliminate mitigating language and see that promotion sooner, but at the risk of
being chastised for sounding “bossy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This leaves us (women?) forever on the pendulum of over-correcting,
never finding that porridge speech equivalent in the middle that’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">juhhhst</i> right. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have my own reasons
for thinking <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“just” is a
four-letter-word</span>, and for
that matter so is “easy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When someone
is in a teaching, parenting, or managing position those two words should be
used maybe <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> because all they do
is cause the learner to feel slow and stupid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>An evolved learner might recognize these words as crutches their teacher uses when he or she is frustrated and out of ideas how to rephrase the lesson, but most
learners are feeling too vulnerable to be in touch with anything other than
their own failure in that moment, so it falls to the teacher to be aware of
their own use of language and its implications.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Then someone posted an
article about <a href="http://grammar.about.com/od/tz/g/uptalkterm.htm" target="_blank"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">uptalk</b></a>, also known as
valley-girl speak, upspeak, or rising terminal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I might be a fan of
the movie “Clueless,” but I don’t actually have conversations that sound like
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So ‘Sure,’ I thought ‘get rid of
it!’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then I started hearing it among
family members, and noticed my best friend using it, and oh the horror, I even
heard myself doing it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I did some
deep reflecting and found that there are some really worthwhile reasons to use
uptalk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, a well placed bit of
uptalk could save your relationship with a spouse or co-worker (or at least
prevent a misunderstanding).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Uptalk
is a way of creating a conversational comma:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Subtext
“Don’t interrupt me, I’m not finished expressing my thought.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level3 lfo1; mso-text-indent-alt: -9.0pt; text-indent: -1.75in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>i.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Listener should not interject their own
fully-formed thoughts, because what comes next could change their mind, or add
vital information to the discussion at hand.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Uptalk
can be used by a speaker to be sure the audience is still engaged instead of
daydreaming:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Subtext
“Are you with me?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Subtext
“Do you understand?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level3 lfo1; mso-text-indent-alt: -9.0pt; text-indent: -1.75in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>i.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Listener on phone should usually respond
“uhuh, uhmmm”, in person silent nodding or eye-contact might be enough.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Uptalk
can inject enthusiasm into an otherwise boring story:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Lilting
tones of voice keep your listener from wandering off mentally, since we have
the attention span of a fruit fly and it seems to be getting shorter and
shorter!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Congratulations, by the way,
on reading this far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You must not yet be
converted to the Twitter-esque character consumption limitations descending
tragically on future generations.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">No
one ever complained (in my hearing) of an Australian or New Zealand accent,
which is sing-song and riddled with delicious and sexy uptalk…</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In conclusion, there
are parts of the world where uptalk is a consistent part of the vocal sing-song
and conversational vocabulary of expression and intonation, and the desire to
label it as a sign of being vapid or even specific to a (female) gender is
enraging me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that boys and men
use uptalk as well!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The third article I came upon back in July, and perhaps the hardest vocal trend for me to
defend is vocal fry, or vocal creak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> The article implored <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jul/24/vocal-fry-strong-female-voice?CMP=share_btn_fb" target="_blank">young women to give up the vocal fry</a>. </span>It can happen with your first speaking
of the day, pre-coffee, without any meaning behind it at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can happen accidentally if you run out of
breath at the end of a sentence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/28/jobs/she-turned-her-upspeak-down-a-notch.html?_r=0" target="_blank">Jessica Grose</a> commented in her recent <a href="http://www.npr.org/2015/07/23/425608745/from-upspeak-to-vocal-fry-are-we-policing-young-womens-voices" target="_blank"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">NPR interview</b></a>, it can happen as a result of over-correcting for uptalk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Another shining example of the porridge
being too hot, or too cold.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can also
happen because you’re tired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’ve
observed it can also have meaning in certain context:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Vocal
fry can convey exhaustion</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Seeks
sympathy nods, signals a need for support on a rough day</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Can
also convey boredom</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Signal
to change the topic, or be more engaging</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Or
can convey ennui, or world-weariness</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Feeling
hopeless or helpless, seeks comforting, or a desire to be asked “What’s wrong?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 1.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This glottal vibration
doesn’t have to mean anything, and if we spend our time modulating our breath,
intonation and word choice, we the speaker and we the listener can be
completely thrown off and distracted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know I was when I did my YouTube hunt for examples of men using vocal fry and
uptalk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And that would be the real
shame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The real shame would be if your
listeners are so caught up in looking for uptalk, vocal fry, or counting the
occurrence of the word “just” in your presentation that they are deaf to the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">content</i></b>
of your presentation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a brain
phenomenon called inattentional blindness which is a kind of temporary blindness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is illustrated brilliantly in this
<a href="http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/but-did-you-see-the-gorilla-the-problem-with-inattentional-blindness-17339778/" target="_blank">Smithsonian Magazine article</a>, but of course you will all be brilliant instead of being tricked
because I’ve prepared you in advance, so congratulations!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In a fit of outrage on
behalf of my gender in the last few weeks, I found myself trolling YouTube in
search of footage of well-respected men giving speeches or being interviewed to
illustrate that men use these same vocal trends as well, but are not
scrutinized for the way their voice peaks (Mr. George Bush, Mr. William F.
Buckley) or creaks (Mr. Clinton).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During
this searching, I experienced the auditory version of inattentional blindness (perhaps it should be named inattentional deafness?) and realized that
I had heard but not understood a single word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In my effort to notice language styles, intonations or count words I could not
have told you what they were trying to explain or express.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I long for an age when people can drop the
filters relating to who is delivering the message and how, in favor of a
respectful dialogue or dare I even dream – a discourse.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I do agree that it is
annoying when voice and speech trends like this catch on like wildfire and lose
their original purpose, hence my reluctance to champion them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I also caution against the total
elimination of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anything done to
excess becomes irritating (even political correctness) but let’s not throw the
baby out with the bathwater just yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
for one am not ready to retire all signs of uptalk, mitigating language or even
the occasional creak from my vocabulary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While stripping the world of all of these language habits might make
some folks really happy, I think removing them entirely would potentially
diminish or hamper our nuanced communication.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I wrote most of this on August 2nd, 2015. Then I wanted to tweak and edit, and my blog went dormant until today...There was yet another fantastic <a href="http://www.kqed.org/a/forum/R201511061000" target="_blank">KQED radio show critiquing women for tentative speech</a>, and I knew I had to put down my red pen and publish this post in all its imperfection. I thoroughly enjoyed the Amy Schumer bit on women apologizing as well. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I know I am not alone, and here is an <a href="http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2014/12/16/uptalk_is_okay_young_women_shouldn_t_have_to_talk_like_men_to_be_taken_seriously.html" target="_blank">article </a>from December 2014 written by Marybeth Seitz-Brown stating many similar points, and stating them well and clearly, and strongly. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Let's all put down our auditory red pens and start listening for content!</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5k2mLkC60UU-LWwqoV66DlrtpJfwJ58EJzwWPE035imsriAPbwIE-KLi65L5t14sawsjmWYDTYZez98wvuqiim7RAnxc4aUu9Gqau0s5Ecd8kcAcbF3SQ-M2Dx_3btIC1FC5CoI8Ruc4/s1600/IMG_20150925_162151_152.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5k2mLkC60UU-LWwqoV66DlrtpJfwJ58EJzwWPE035imsriAPbwIE-KLi65L5t14sawsjmWYDTYZez98wvuqiim7RAnxc4aUu9Gqau0s5Ecd8kcAcbF3SQ-M2Dx_3btIC1FC5CoI8Ruc4/s320/IMG_20150925_162151_152.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
</div>
DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-26862440027617100862014-10-02T04:20:00.000-07:002014-10-02T04:20:26.393-07:00A long pauseA breath<br />
<br />
Held.<br />
<br />
Expelled.<br />
<br />
Exploded.<br />
<br />
Antici<br />
<br />
...patience?<br />
<br />
Like an inhale from a dream state that awakens the dreamer, a violent intake of breath saves the dreamer from drowning.<br />
<br />
The time is drawing near again, when a river of words will spill droplet by droplet onto the page, and be pumped into the waiting internet...a drought is lifting, a word drought of dried up thoughts, old patterns, unknown and unknowable ways of expression will form rivulets and merge into bigger and bigger forms and burst the dam that has been thwarting any and all the writings.<br />
<br />
We meet again soon, and each breath is surrounded by little pauses like parentheses hugging my life with healthy pauses.<br />
<br />
Sometimes the silence between thoughts speaks the most volumes...DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-3059002862656364402014-07-27T20:55:00.000-07:002014-07-27T20:55:39.793-07:00Exciting NewsDear Readers,<br />
<br />
I am pleased to announce the birth of my new blog, <a href="http://bit.ly/1tRlA7C" target="_blank">Dance Tracker</a> for which I have written my first entry.<br />
<br />
I plan to drive traffic from here to there, but not the other way around, so those of you who have gotten kind of an inside view of my life since I began writing here on Dream Follower will get to see a whole new side of me, but I intend to still use this blog as more of a personal journal or outlet for writing in general. <br />
<br />
Those of you following my story will need to be comforted (perhaps not by lies?) in knowing I have not abandoned the thread, just been distracted by life. Samantha and Luke will continue their adventure, I promise.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your patience, your readership, and your indulgence. I am evolving in new and unpredictable ways as we go, so again...thank you.<br />
<br />
-Jessica (Dreamer, Dancer, Thinker, and now also, Writer)<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-63919828746489358022014-07-15T11:39:00.000-07:002014-07-15T11:39:13.226-07:00power of the mindShakespeare said it first in a line given unto Hamlet "...for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so..." and therein lies the trouble.<br />
<br />
Certainly the mind can wend its way through labyrinthine justifications or excuses, exceptions or even denials. The mind likewise can defy logic, ignore reason, and leap from one thought to the next with lightning-like nimble electricity.<br />
<br />
What defines good and bad? How do we know one without the other for contrast? How can we lumber our way through life rather than insinuate our way through all the paths of least resistance? What fun it is to ponder!DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-80950869253937359922014-07-06T21:43:00.000-07:002014-07-06T21:43:04.529-07:00Addendum to Natural HelpersSomeone asked me about the puzzle, so in answer I will try to describe the scenario.<br />
<br />
There were probably about 20 kids of all different shapes and sizes, three wooden islands, and one plank of wood that was (purposely) not long enough to simply set down as a bridge. The objective was to get us all across.<br />
<br />
I suggested that we have the largest of us anchor the plank, which he did, and as the middle island began to fill up, we realized we would need to do it in stages, keeping enough of us on the middle island so we could anchor for our big guy, which involved passing the plank.<br />
<br />
My solution was a little cumbersome which is why I am certain there would be other (perhaps more elegant) solutions. But it got us all across, and not milling around looking helpless, so there's that.DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-61561713422451828102014-07-06T21:34:00.001-07:002014-07-06T21:34:22.403-07:00Lies are ComfortersI know I am not the first to think this way.<br />
<br />
The lie can be so small, innocuous, seemingly well-intentioned. It could be flattery for the sake of sparing someone's feelings, or so thaI don't appear harsh. Often it protects both parties, making it all the more tempting.<br />
<br />
It's like a truth could be the early morning frost biting your nose, and the sun shining brilliantly cutting through the haze of dreaming, and by pulling the warm comforter back over our heads you can (for a time) hide. Delaying the inevitable is still sometimes a way more appealing option.<br />
<br />
A lie can be as small as an excuse, as big as blaming someone else for action or inaction. I have been in a cocoon, lying to myself, and I am emerging to find those formidable obstacles were not so formidable after all...<br />
<br />
I am still stretching, yawning, and rubbing the grog out of my eyes, but I am getting ready to greet the day in all its glory.DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-49704884525166657162014-07-06T16:52:00.003-07:002014-07-06T16:52:33.044-07:00What if...?As a child I think often found myself wondering what if?<br />
<br />
My mother would be annoyed with me asking over and over what if, what if...<br />
<br />
It was away in my mind following a train of thought beyond and beyond. And after that I would continue to imagine what else could be a parallel reality. I understand why she was irritated. There was no end in sight. No satisfaction. No silencing the worry-warted beast within.<br />
<br />
It is another branch of a symptom of a vivid imagination, this wondering what if.<br />
<br />
And at that time maybe it was also another way to stall off making decisions. If we go for it, if we try something, then we must stick to our guns and live with the consequences. Going for it means not wondering what if... Or at least it means not allowing what-ifs to slow you down.<br />
<br />
But it can also be empowering. What if also allows the imagination to roam freely, shutting up the judging mind. It can be your mind full of goblins and ghosts and goons your worst nightmares, it can be full of all the possibilities you never dreamed of before.<br />
<br />
What if can be a powerful tool to be used for both ill or for good, to motivate or pause the action, to entertain the mind, amuse the heart, or stall the nay-sayers.<br />
<br />
I'm sure I will never stop asking what if...DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-5827735401729674242014-07-02T01:54:00.003-07:002014-07-02T01:54:38.041-07:00natural helpersIn Tenth grade, I started at a new school, and I will never know how they conducted the selection process for inviting kids into the program, but I very much enjoyed the Natural Helpers retreat we went on. I learned so many things about myself and about stereotyping, and how to see past conventional boundaries by being part of this group. Perhaps ironically, they had selected people from various factions to represent the concepts and ideals of the program back to that contingent. We had minority groups, as well as nerd or rocker, etc.<br />
<br />
We bonded with each other, and learned listening skills and tools. We were learning how to recognise warning signs of suicide or harm to others, and in general it was supposed to be a peer-based support system.<br />
<br />
We did games, trust exercises, puzzles and physical team challenges.<br />
<br />
It was at one of the last that I discovered something in me. I want to be patient, I truly do. The group leader had explained the physical team challenge, and I remember all of us milling around, and myself also hanging back...<br />
<br />
I was developing a theory for a solution, but also keenly aware there could be more than one approach or solution. My impatience overtook me in a moment of frustration, and I started to share my idea. My peers gathered around me, and decided my idea worthy of consideration and a trial, and it ultimately ended up working. I'm sure there were helpful suggestions as we started realising additional roadblocks along the way, but it was an environment that brought out of me a sense of leadership, a confidence in myself, and a feeling of self-worth. There were pictures of this exercise, though at the time I was oblivious to them taking pictures. I distinctly remember the feelings in those minutes, and the pictures of me explaining my idea in the circle of peers rang a proud bell for me. I remember hesitating, and thinking 'come on guys, let's just try something' and being certain that my solution would work, even though there might be a more elegant one.<br />
<br />
I know I have leadership abilities.<br />
<br />
perhaps I have become conservative because the risks have not been my own alone...<br />
<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-85323661142758334292014-06-30T11:16:00.002-07:002014-06-30T11:16:43.042-07:00he was smart or luckyI was in a rage, and he could not be at his house when I was going to get my things. I'm not sure to this day whether his buddy just happened to stop by or if he called him and asked him to be there in his stead, but either way it prevented some serious destruction of property. I gathered up my things, and stripped the bed of its lovely sun-yellow sheets which I had paid for and they had defiled. I might have set them on fire, or gone in the yard and scooped up as much rabbit shit and dumped it on the stripped bed as I could. I was white hot angry when I came across a shirt that could only have belonged to her...and tore it apart with my bare hands. Every present I ever gave him, I suddenly wanted to strip him of and deprive him even though the gesture would never even come close to the betrayal he had dealt me. His friend's presence forced my civility, and though I resented it at the time I suppose I should be grateful that I could not be arrested or brought up on charges or fined or anything. The witness kept me from going ballistic.<br />
<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5384464440419278809.post-86033274097932290002014-06-29T15:39:00.000-07:002014-06-29T15:39:38.764-07:00quietly livingI may not be writing much on here lately, but it is not because I don't have much to say.<br />
<br />
the opposite might be true.<br />
<br />
I have been cherishing the days and moments, savoring, indulging, breathing, laughing and in general enjoying life.<br />
<br />
I have enjoyed sweet tortures, salty sea air, salty tears, bitterness for balance, and the most delectable juicy sweet orange I have ever tasted. I have enjoyed sunrise, sunburn, sunset and dancing.<br />
<br />
I have balanced on the knife's edge of losing something precious and survived.<br />
<br />
I have memories to add to my ever growing long list of adventures, to my perfect age, to my ageless soul.<br />
<br />
<br />DreamFollowerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01837189469698611435noreply@blogger.com1