School Lunch Times

Most people dreaded quizzes, teachers, exams and homework. I dreaded lunch time. Staring across the ugly orange tray at tables partially occupied, my stomach in knots, my breathing shallow, wondering if I should be brave today or be alone again. This question followed me to college, where I would see easy banter over the table and rather than interrupt by joining I would sit at an empty table, hoping someone would wave me over to join them or maybe at least someone quiet would sit down with me at this empty table soon. In third grade, I'm sure I sat alone. In high school I would often abandon the whole construct fleeing into the hallway with my lunch tray, leaning against the lockers and eating alone. I do remember finding some other refugees there and so we kept each other company, finding a quiet solidarity in our communal escape from the torture and isolation. So funny because I know for some people school was play time with friends interrupted by boring classes. For a lot of my school time, I enjoyed relating to the teachers and the material better than my flailing attempts to relate with my peers. I was an intense young person. I was too open and honest at first. I felt everything all the way. So lunch time was stressful and often lonely, emphasizing a dissociation/isolation that had been introduced at age 4...

I do not miss lunch times like that...