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The Double Meaning behind the blog title 'Dream Follower:'
First, for 14 years I was a ballroom & social dance instructor, and have studied both leading and following. I feel that learning to follow is full of nuance and is often misunderstood. I made it one of my personal goals to become a really excellent follow on the dance floor, and will probably talk a lot about the art of following - both in and out of the context of dance.

Second, I am a huge fan of author Michael Ende, probably best known for The Neverending Story. The book is incredible, and the first film captured some of the essence. (Please don't watch the other two films...I urge you to read the book though!) Anyway, at least twice in my life I have been caught in a storm of my own indecision, and my inner Moon Princess yelled to my inner Bastian...'Why don't you do what you dream?' I tear up even now as I write this little blurb. The tension between being practical, keeping my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds (at the risk of compromising my inner vibrancy, true self, and who knows what else)...and reaching for my true dreams (at the risk of losing everything) is still a very real struggle. In fact, one of those struggles lead to my 14 years of teaching dance, so we can see which voice won the battle that fateful day when I was staring at the want-ad...

And so I strive to be two kinds of Dream Followers in my life. One has to do with connecting with others, and the other has to do with connecting with my inner Moon Princess and the world of possibility that opens when I do...

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Validation

I suppose we are all seeking validation on some level, so maybe I should ease up. Right now I'm filled with judgment that I seem to place such high value on something so beyond myself, my control, my influence. How could my self-worth be puffed up or deflated by my perception of how I am received by another? Or whether I feel acceptance in general from a certain group that I admire or respect? How dare I place so much weight or meaning on an external judge?

shouldn't self-worth be intrinsic and unshakeable?

Why isn't mine? Is there something wrong with me?

Are others equally riddled with self-doubt, insecurities, fears of rejection and just much better at hiding them? Because it looks that way from here...actually from here it looks like they are confident so maybe they really aren't plagued by these questions or they are better actors.

Aren't I a good little actress too, though?

I smile, I laugh, I suffer in privacy not in public...perhaps I have some of them fooled, but not me.

How can I turn this around, remember to fall back in love with me-ness, forgive the weakest parts, embrace my whole self -- "warts" and all?

I ebb and flow into and out of ease with these thoughts...

2 comments:

  1. You know where I stand on this...
    We are all actors, in some regard, but the key is to finding the group of people that support us for who we are so we have an ever decreasing need to play the part.

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    1. I'm a little choked up, because I'm grateful for the people I do have around me that are supportive, and also at the same time the void of need sometimes seems so vast it feels like nothing (no amount of love/acceptance) would be enough to satisfy the beast but then I almost immediately judge myself for being ungrateful/needy...viscious

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