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The Double Meaning behind the blog title 'Dream Follower:'
First, for 14 years I was a ballroom & social dance instructor, and have studied both leading and following. I feel that learning to follow is full of nuance and is often misunderstood. I made it one of my personal goals to become a really excellent follow on the dance floor, and will probably talk a lot about the art of following - both in and out of the context of dance.

Second, I am a huge fan of author Michael Ende, probably best known for The Neverending Story. The book is incredible, and the first film captured some of the essence. (Please don't watch the other two films...I urge you to read the book though!) Anyway, at least twice in my life I have been caught in a storm of my own indecision, and my inner Moon Princess yelled to my inner Bastian...'Why don't you do what you dream?' I tear up even now as I write this little blurb. The tension between being practical, keeping my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds (at the risk of compromising my inner vibrancy, true self, and who knows what else)...and reaching for my true dreams (at the risk of losing everything) is still a very real struggle. In fact, one of those struggles lead to my 14 years of teaching dance, so we can see which voice won the battle that fateful day when I was staring at the want-ad...

And so I strive to be two kinds of Dream Followers in my life. One has to do with connecting with others, and the other has to do with connecting with my inner Moon Princess and the world of possibility that opens when I do...

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Cosmic Kotzen, Cosmigasm, and other Meditation experiences

Sometimes meditation is about stilling the mind, sitting still, ignoring the body and its discomforts and fidgets. Ignoring limbs falling asleep, slowing breath, dismissing all distractions.

I admit this type of meditation is still a challenge for me in many ways.

I have also experienced meditation as connection with something both inside and outside of myself that of course defies description, but naturally I want to express some of the experiences.

I do this (somewhat) selectively...

Kotzen is the German word for vomit. Last fall during a very powerful session I did a lot of energetic vomiting, purging some old emotion that needed to be purged.There was some crying, some screams were ripped from the depths of me and some cosmic kotzen. There is no better word in my mind. This was not a conscious effort, it was something I allowed to move through me. Just like with real vomit, I felt much better afterward.

In a separate experience, my body experienced orgasm during a meditation. Just like I described above, I made no conscious effort, I merely allowed it to happen. It is slightly strange, confessing this experience. But I'm just being honest and vulnerable, and I suppose I am throwing caution to the wind in a way. It actually happened twice.

I have had vivid visual journeys or flashes during meditations, some of which I'm sure I'll share at some point, though I feel maybe a film or photo would be better than a thousand words (so the saying goes, and I'm inclined to agree)

I wonder if others have experienced something similar...


  1. I've never heard of orgasms from meditation.
    So...does that mean you freed your mind, or you were just focusing on something really hard?

    1. *chuckle*
      I was not focused on anything in particular (hard or otherwise) so I guess I freed my mind.